Aftermath

It's been forever (okay, like five days) since I last posted, but so much has happened! I had a great Thanksgiving. And I'm sooo grateful for my faith... it has kept me going lately. That sounds super pious, but really. I'd be a nervous and anxious wreck if I didn't have any sort of eternal perspective on everything.
Wednesday I drove down to Salt Lake City during the day to spend some time with him, David, and Chelsea (David's current love-interest). Here's what went down...
I met up with he and David around one o'clock. David showed up with a random dog on a leash... he had BORROWED the dog, and we were picking up ANOTHER borrowed dog. Why? Well, because David wanted to see Chelsea, so we were going to go wash dogs at Rub-A-Dub-Doggy or whatever the place is called. I hadn't met Chelsea, but I figured she must be pretty great to inspire David to BORROW dogs.
Emma and Hercules, the dogs we borrowed, were adorable. Emma is older and looks like one of those micro-fiber teddy-bears. Hercules is a little rocket of fur, and got to sit with him in the backseat while I held Emma in the front. We sang random songs all the way down (oh, by the way, we drove from Holladay to Provo to do this) and it was pretty fun - aside from the poor boy in the back keeping Hercules under control (David and I sat in the front).
We got to RADD (Rub-a-Dub-Doggy) and entered with our borrowed dogs. Well, I felt just adorable with this little spoiled pup on a leash (a burberry leash, with platinum insets on the collar...) and standing next to a handsome man. When we met Chelsea, wow. She's amazing. From a girls' perspective, beautiful doesn't do her justice. Her hair is incredible! Anyway, I can tell why David was blown away. She's soooo too good for him. (David, if you're reading this, you know it's true so chill.)
Next, we learned how to use a self-serve dogwash. (Really... I didn't know they had them. I always threw my dogs in a babypool and hoped for the best.) After getting completely drenched, spraying each other with water, flirting with and teasing each other, and using the dog-dryer on each others' faces, he and I finished washing Hercules. I'm sure that Chelsea and David had a great time as well with Emma... we really didn't pay attention.
On the way home (after dropping off the borrowed dogs), I invited David and him to come up to Roy with me for a little while before I had to go back up to Logan (I was on call that night). They said yes, and David followed us in his car. Around Bountiful, she called (the half-girlfriend). He told her that he was at his uncle's house... I was a secret. An embarrassment. A lie?! Well, okay. I might have overreacted at that point. I pulled off on the next exit, and made David follow and sent him back with him. Petty girl, petty petty girl!
I drove back to Logan that night upset but not quite sure what I was feeling. I hadn't wanted to upset him, but, according to David, he was upset.
Later that night, I decided to pray about it. So I settled in for the night (feeling lonely, because I was the ONLY person still on my floor) and grabbed my scriptures, said a prayer (shorter than it probably should have been), and started reading. I got through one chapter of St. Mark, and my phone buzzed. He was texting me. We wound up talking on the phone until almost 2:00 am, and things were feeling better. He had apologized and promised that he would talk to her soon... it can't come soon enough.
He came up to Roy the next morning, after I'd driven down from Logan, and met my mom, step-dad, sister, a niece and nephew, and my grandparents. They all adored him, of course. Then he left to go spend Thanksgiving at home (after all, it was the first time in three years he'd been home for it!). Later that night, he accompanied me to see my dad, then we hung out for a little while. It's always so stressful seeing my dad... I love him dearly, but I still feel so much anger and resentment. I really have to work on that.
Friday, I drove down and we got gelato, played video games, watched Holiday Inn (love love love Bing Crosby), then I took off to see my old high school chums.
I stopped in at Nico's house and saw all the people I was close to in high school. Strangely, I didn't feel that same bond anymore. Ever since the breakup with Ben, I've realized that my life is really taking a different path than everyone else. I've become so much more independent over the last six months, and I've worried less about how many friends I have, and more about the quality. Christy, David, Aubree, the people at the Music Mansion... those are the people who make me feel like I have all the friends I'll ever need. So, after this epiphany, I headed up to Tim's house, chilled with he, Josh, and Michael for a while, then drove home.
I've been trying so hard to keep my thoughts, emotions, feelings under control. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have found someone that might possibly complete me, without controlling me. It's such a new feeling, and I'm trying to back off and not be this clingy kitten that the natural girl in me wants to be. Just step back... breathe... and let things take their course.
On Saturday night, I met up with David near Temple Square and we hung out with my family for a while, then saw the lights, saw some of my residents, and eventually made it up to Holladay where I had a heart-to-heart with him. We didn't exactly define the relationship... but I figured out that I can wait for whatever is going to happen. Faith in the Lord includes faith in His time. (Neal A. Maxwell said that, I'm not that optimistic... haha)
I'm spending tonight at my mom's house with my sister, and we are making Christmas cards, watching movies, and eating sugar cookies. It's a beautiful night. My stomach has been doing flips the whole time over him and the unknown situation, but I'm moving past that now. When he decides he's ready to make a final decision, I'll probably still be around. I guess my moment of wanting to settle down and not be such a free spirit was fleeting. :)
For an update on getting my body ready for Miss Cache Valley... I'm down to 153 as of this morning, and I now fit in a size 9 pants. Yay for me!
Oh, and I'm going on another blind date tonight... wish me luck! There's no way it can beat a guy who speaks Italian and watching Trans-Siberian Orchestra...

Lip Plumper, Black Tinsel Trees, and Fight Nights

Okay, so first and foremost, I bought something I said I would never buy. It's a lip-plumping lipgloss. I mean, okay, I have never thought I needed it or something, but why not see if it works? So I brought it home (with my other purchases) and took a before and after picture of my lips when I used it (not the picture to the left). It didn't look any different, so I asked my roommate then two of my neighbors to try it. The photos are posted on my page on Facebook... they're pretty funny.

The next thing I bought today was a black tinsel Christmas tree for our apartment. It was between the black one and the hot pink one. After a roommate vote, we decided on the black tree with hot pink tinsel. Very girly! I'm really hoping that we can decorate the rest of the apartment for Christmas. We're also planning on having a wassail-party during Finals week. Yay!

Okay here I have a picture of the first "Fight Night" that I actually attended. My residents (bless them) have a bunch of videos of them wrestling each other. So a couple of nights ago Nicole and I went over to their apartment, offered them cookies if they would wrestle, and they did. It's hilarious... they don't move half the time because they had no idea what they were doing. I love these two boys though.

So I am a little bummed about this week. It's Thanksgiving, but I can't go home until Thanksgiving day because I'm on call the night before (because I'm an RA, I need to be around in case someone locks themselves out). So most people have already gone home today (Tuesday) and the rest will probably leave tomorrow. I need a hobby to keep myself busy tomorrow day and evening. Maybe I'll take up crocheting. Or fire-breathing.

I get to meet up with the "boy" and get gelato this weekend, though... I'm pretty excited about that. I'm not using his name yet just in case his half-girlfriend character somehow manages to find this blog. (Even though it's new and I've had very few views).

Gotta be somebody

A few days ago, a friend of mine texted me and told me that I needed to hear Nickelback's song "Gotta Be Somebody"... apparently it's my theme song because I always say I know that my perfect companion is out there, but I'm so afraid of ending up alone and being the last of my friends to find happiness.
The song is great. I love it.
As far as my actual love life goes ... Well, there's this guy. We met one week and three days ago on a blind date. We hit it off like crazy, and he came up to visit me this weekend. It was like a movie. He drove us up the canyon, parked with his headlights on, opened the doors and we danced to the radio. We played twister with some of my residents. We watched "La Vita Bella" (Life is Beautiful) and made home-made kettle corn with my best friend - which turned out to be really, uh, clumpy and gross. The only problem with the whole situation is... his open-relationship girlfriend freaked when she found out he came up here. So I canceled our breakfast date the next morning and told him to go home to take care of business. I could tell it sort of hurt him, but... I can't be the "other woman". I don't care if they can date other people. Especially when everyone thinks they're still together because she "waited" for him while he was on his mission. I think the suckiest (yes, it is now a word because I say so) part by far, though, is that I like her. She's... I'm not sure how to explain it. I think she's controlling and has coping issues, but really who isn't and doesn't? She's kind, though, and would make the perfect eternal companion. She cooks and crochets and ... she's beautiful. I can't help but be selfish, though, and wish for that phone call from him saying "It's over... When can I come up there?" Ahhhh... Life torments me.

In the beginning...

This is the beginning of my blogging experience. I plan to use this as a way to keep track of my pursuit for the Miss Cache Valley crown, but mostly as a way to document my pursuit in changing the world - starting with myself.
Well, okay, pretty much this is going on here so people can know what goes on in my everyday life and how I feel about situations that I probably won't talk to anyone about in person. I'm outgoing, but I don't tell very many people about how I really feel about the things that affect my life.

So, for the pageant portion, let's begin...
Let me give you my experience as a pageant girl.

Sometime in the 1990s, my sister (then Danika Dupre Winn, now Danika Monson) did Miss Duchesne County and Miss UBIC. She did amazing, and I wanted to be just like her.

In 2003, I became Jr. Miss UBIC 2003.

In 2005, I became Miss Utah Teen 2005, and went on to compete at Nationals in Nashville, Tennessee.

In 2006, I was given one of four Miss Salt Lake County Junior Miss titles

In 2007, I competed for the Utah's Junior Miss title.

In 2008, I competed for Miss Cache Valley, my first-ever adult (Miss) pageant.

Now here I am. I started doing pageants for the glamour... crown, popularity, that's what it's all about, right?
Now it's something more. I become a better person when I compete. I'm committed to world peace (cliche`, I know) and I become an active part of my own life. I've always been in love with performing and entertaining people, and I love serving people with my talents. I find enjoyment in it. There have been so many times that I have been the recipient of a kind act, and I truly want to give back. So here goes.

What will/would I do with the title of Miss Cache Valley?
I would totally work my heart out. I want to make a difference, even if it's in one person's life.
Last year, my platform was Making a Healthy Transition Into Womanhood.
This year, my view has changed. I still need a catchy title, but essentially I want to focus on helping young women and young men feel like they can say "NO!" in a relationship. From personal experience and speaking to peers, I know that too many people have said that the reason they became sexually active wasn't necessarily because they felt true love for the person, but because they felt pressured to participate. It made them a "better boy/girlfriend". Even in our conservative state, where so much pressure is put on the youth and young adults to save sexual intimacy until marriage, it's becoming more difficult because the world seems to make a norm out of recreational intimiacy. In many relationships, people are often too dependent upon each other to stand up for what they feel and want. I'm not saying that abstinence before marriage is the way for all people. That would be self-righteous and preachy of me to say. But being able to stand on your own two feet without your significant other there to hold you up is one of the most important things for young adults to learn. People throw themselves into a relationship, soon after another fails, because they don't know how to cope with being alone. My goal is to empower youth and young adults to be their own person, and in that way better their relationships with people.

I'm not in great shape right now, so this blog is not only my way of tracking my progress with my platform, but to track my progress physically, mentally, and spiritually. Let's start with physically...

Right now, I am the heaviest I've been in my life. I weigh 163 pounds. I am 5'2" tall. I wear a size large shirt (because of my swimmer's shoulders and chest size, which we'll talk about later), and a 9/10 pant.
I'm not concerned with weight... I can weigh as much as my body would like, but I want to be toned and look good in a swimsuit. So here are my goals...
Exercise three times a week. Stop eating crap. See a dietician to make sure that I'm eating right. (did I mention I'm vegetarian?). Fit into a size 7 pant, and a medium top (which may not happen, because my shoulders certainly aren't going to shrink). FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF NAKED! WoOo!

I don't know if people will even start reading this. I'll try to make it entertaining just in case someone haps upon it. But here we go. A little over three months until pageant date - February 21, 2009.

Oh, by the way, the reason I'm so intent on getting the title this year more than any other year also has to do with the queen getting two years full tuition to USU - my school. I'm on an academic scholarship right now, but it only lasts two years. If I can have the two years after that paid for, I'll be all set. Oh, and the winner gets full tuition to New Horizons beauty school. So after I graduate with my music education degree, I can go to hair design school and satisfy my two career desires. It's perfect! I'm such a nerd...