Three days of (almost) total isolation in Logan...

I'm really putting forth a valiant effort to be sad and lonely ... but honestly, it's been pretty fun to just have time to myself to reflect on... absolutely nothing!
I do have to brag, though... I made sushi at about 2:00 am on Monday, and it was awesome. Here are pictures. It was my first attempt, and I'm a little impressed by myself!
I actually decided to try something new, even on my first try. I did half brown rice and half sushi rice, and surprisingly it held together well!
Aside from my culinary experiments, I've been able to take it easy and rejuvenate. Oh, and I actually got out last night. I watched a movie with Garrett, then went to dinner with Jon, Ben, Angella, and a new Russian girl named Svetlana (and she's gorgeous and soooo nice!), then went back to Garrett's and watched The Mothman Prophecies. Freaky, freaky movie! I had a difficult time coming home to an empty apartment... hahaha.
So now here's the big debate... I can go back to Roy or Salt Lake when I turn in the on-call phone tonight, drive to Roosevelt to be with my sisters, or I can stay in Logan and probably spend New Years' Eve with G or Jon and Ben. I have some pretty good options, and I'm not sure which to choose. All I know is that I'm excited for this new year to come... I've been waiting 20 years for it!
Oh, and updates on preparing for MCV - I'm down to 150, which is good considering I've been gorging myself on chocolates and other holiday treats. I'm right between a 9 and 7 right now, so wish me luck in the next three weeks!

Single White Female, Looking For That Perfect Lover...

There's a country song by Chely Wright that about sums it up. ->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krzCeKZxfQ8

Or, if you are missing someone, I suggest this song by Darryl Worley. ->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OOFN1z45CI&feature=channel

Anyway. I realized that I'm contradicting myself a lot lately. I rag on people who get married and have kids... but really, I do want that. Just not quite yet. Give me a couple more years. :)

Looking out the window tonight, I keep thinking that my love life is kind of like the seasons. It's great for a while, not so good, completely sucky, not too bad, then back to great. Sort of like the excitement and joy of a white winter, I love it while it's here, complain when it's gone, but I always know it'll come back. Stupid analogy, but at 1:00 am anything makes sense. Although, I'm not so sure that analogy will work so well once I really fall and stay in love... maybe that's like moving to the Yukon? I dunno.

Anyway, it's Christmas! I'm so excited. I thought I'd be asleep by now, but alas, I can't sleep.
I finally feel like my mom, Lynn, Heather, Chase, and I are a family now. It's an incredible feeling that hit me tonight. I'm afraid that if I go to sleep, the feeling will pass. I've never been so... satisfied... with my family situation as I am right now. I'm trying to find the depressed, cynical side of me, and I can't find her. She's gone, maybe for a few hours, maybe for a few days, maybe longer. But I love it. I don't miss her. She was always such a downer. :)

This year will be the first year in four years (yes, FOUR years!) that I don't have definite New Year's Eve plans, or a definite kiss-at-midnight partner. Rather than feeling depressed and sad about it, I'm pretty excited. I could drop in on any party I wanted and have a blast without worrying about pissing off my boyfriend with my incessant flirting. I have some friends who are visiting from out of town, so maybe I'll spend it with them. Or maybe I'll go to Roosevelt to see my sisters and brother. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll stay home with my mom and step-dad, watch the ball drop from the comfort of my living room, and soak up the family warmth. Who really know? Okay, truth be told, it would be AWESOME to hook up with someone right before New Year's Eve, and have like the "first kiss" at midnight, but my life is soooooo not a teen movie, so it's not happening. Besides, unless it could go somewhere eventually, I think I should lay off the kissing. It gets me into trouble. hahaha...

Merry Christmas, everyone! I'll post something new in the next couple of days.

Too Bad The Future Of Humanity Depends On It...

Dating completely sucks.
Especially when almost all the dates are blind.

I finally figured out why these guys I meet up in Logan or randomly through other people don't ask me out. I immediately put myself into sister/cool cousin mode so that I don't have to worry about flirting, making them 'want' me, or otherwise risking any sort of rejection. I become really good friends with people before they have a chance to decide if I'm dating material. Then, in their mind, I am at sister status. Sister status is great - unless you're looking to really start finding someone. But doing this to myself has become a habit. Rather than risk rejection, I pose myself as best friend with cool interests that aren't befitting a future girlfriend (i.e. hunting, snowboarding, heavy metal music, pranking).
A great example of this is the other night. I went to hang out with an old band buddy of mine, met one of his friends, immediately turned sister on him, and now we're really good friends. I sorta like him, which is the funny thing. I mean, it wouldn't have worked anyway because he has a girlfriend (why does that keep happening?)
Another example, with the aforementioned boy (see November posts), I have put myself on best friend status. Rather than risking getting too attached, I fell back (after I completely pissed him off because I got all girly and confronted him) and have completely distanced myself. Well, not completely. I still text him and talk to him. I'm slowly becoming more of a best friend or sister, and I'm okay with that. Mostly. The other part of me keeps saying "no no no! go for him still, don't back off!" But how do I compete with a semi-girlfriend who waited for him? I guess I don't. And when I tried to, it bit me in the butt.
So there we go. I will probably never be in another serious relationship, and I will probably never get married. I'm always going to be peoples' best friend or sister. Hm...
Oh, and the reason I wrote all of this is because I have another blind date tomorrow night. He's 23, a biological engineering major, and very cute. My problem is that I know I won't let myself like him. Last time I let myself fall, nothing caught me. I have some major issues. hahaha...
Do they have medication for this?
Mmm...
I think I want chocolate right now.

You may say I'm a dreamer... But I'm not the only one.

I'm not sure if I've just been spending way too much time inside my own head lately, or watching too many movies that leave me feeling poetic and profound. But I think I finally figured out why I have such a hard time going home, but then also such a hard time leaving.
I'm at that point in my life where I feel like everything should be falling into place. Well, things are falling alright, but not necessarily how I'd like them to. I love my family so much, but I have a difficult time saying that I'm "Going Home" for winter break. Roy is not my home, even though my mom and pop live there. For 18 months now, I've thought that Salt Lake City is my home, though I don't have a bed or even a couch to call my own. Surprisingly enough, (or maybe no so surprising), I can't even call Salt Lake home now. Where is home? It's certainly not USU... I still feel that if I had an opportunity somewhere else, I could be packed and racing down that highway in an hour. I love school, but that's not what's keeping me here.
USU is not my home. Salt Lake City is not my home. Roy is not my home. Sometime in the last six months, I've forgotten where home is. Until now.
Home isn't a place. It's not something tangible.
Home, for me, is a warm smile from a friend. It's playing DDR with my thirty-something sisters. It's a midnight drive with Alisa to buy oranges. It's a hug from Christy, my sister-in-spirit. It's laughing about professors and oboes with Josh. It's calling or texting David at 2:00 am, and knowing that he cares and listens. Home is the people I care about, and who care about me. I guess I'm lucky, because my home is always with me.
Even though I've been living in almost absolute isolation for the past four days, I haven't been scared or anxious. I'm finally living the dream. I'm no longer being held back by geographical loyalties. I love where I am in life right now. :-)

Beautiful

Tonight I went over to Greaves Hall to watch a movie with Kayla and some of her residents/friends. On the way back, I had one of those moments where it felt like I had just woken up from a wonderful sleep.
It was like... the silence pierced my soul. Every building was dark, but the streetlamps along the sidewalks made everything look so alive. The moon was bright, the sky was clear, and the snow is still untouched in most places. Even though it was freezing outside, I felt warm. I felt safe, though I was alone. The only sound I could hear was the snow crunching under my boots and the swish of my jeans. The feeling was one of absolute perfection and beauty, and it was incredible to be a part of such a moment. I wanted to keep walking, staring at the world in its white blanket. So soft. This earth really is a place of such exquisite beauty that we take advantage of.

New train of thought...

Since I apparently can't post anything about my life on here without at least one person freaking out, I'll change the format of this. From now on, I will only post things that do not in any way have anything to do with my feelings.

Christmas List!!!

Here are pictures of everything I would like (but likely won't get, but that's okay) for Christmas

The Great and Terrible series by Chris Stewart.

A video camera, preferably with burn to DVD option... but I'm not picky. :)
Rock Band - Because when I play, it's epic. (Usually because I destroy some portion of my body)

Snow boots that aren't white... every year I make the mistake of getting white boots.
I want a freaking Rubik's Cube!!! I solved one ONCE over the summer, and I want to do it again!

Who doesn't love and want to own Twister?

A pink toolset... classic. I just want a toolset, but I'll admit that if it was some cool color, I'd probably use it more...

Free weights for cardio... 5- and 8-lbs (10 is cool, but I'm a wussy)

Toilet Paper... you can never have enough.

A puppy!!! I crave companionship... hahaha

CTR ring... thankfully I lost mine, because my mom and I would have had the same one.. ew

A pretty yoga mat!

Now into the geek stuff...

Cane - Shaped and Gouged

Staples to put the cane on

Thread to wrap the cane to the staples

Steel string capo

Guitar stand

It Snowed!!!

It snowed!!! What a beautiful beginning to finals! (Although, Salt Lake City got more snow than this arctic tundra, but I won't complain about that now.)

And I might have a new plan for next year! It's very exciting!
I want to do something worthwhile, right? And I definitely need some time to rethink my life, now. So a couple of years ago I was looking into serving an ILP mission (International Language Program) and decided against it until after graduation. Now I've kept thinking I need to get away for a while, do something for the world, and take a break from school and my current life. :) So I'm looking into it again... and I'm pretty excited!

Sweater party!

So after searching for three days, I finally found mistletoe and I'm about to hang it in our apartment. Last night Alisa and Nicole and I went to an ugly sweater party and ran an errand for the guys who threw it... that was where we found the mistletoe. The party was amazing, even though the cops busted it for being too loud. The three of us were the first ones to get questioned by the officers, but I think they realized we hadn't been drinking because we were walking along a thin brick wall... Check out all of the pics on my Facebook to see how fun it was. :)

I Have No Patience

No new news on him. But I'm pretty sure that he chose her. They were apparently together all night last night... so that about sums it up. So congrats to them. She was around first... so I guess that has to count for something. At least it was a wonderful experience, and I know every quality I need to look for in a guy... when I decide to date again.
The blind date on Monday did not go so well... it was really awkward, actually. After trying to feel me up within the first five minutes, he tried to plant a kiss on me before dinner even arrived. That was the end of that, and my wonderful Kaela faked sick so we could leave.
Since I really started doing this whole... eternal perspective... thing... I really have no desire to date seriously. When the time comes for me, I'll be ready, but I don't want to go through any more heartache. I still feel very at peace about this spiritually, but emotionally and mentally I'm a freaking wreck. I've never been so blindsided and fallen so hard so quickly. But there's always a reason for heartbreak. I've learned something... and I'll figure it out soon.
So just for fun, a friend sent this to me. I also realized that it's on her blog, so I feel a bit foolish... oh well. C'est la vie in the life of a blogger..

T R u T H S

Last Beverage : Soy Hot Chocolate... mmm!

Last Person You Called : Uhm... Leslie at the finance office to let her know they overpaid me by $1000... (merry christmas to me!)

Last Time You Cried : Last night. I didn't fall asleep until close to four. I hate men, I hate them!

HaVe You eVeR:

Dated Someone Twice? Yup. Stupid decision, but hey! I got a prom date out of it...

Kissed Someone and Regretted It? In the last two weeks, I've never wished so much that I didn't have lips.

Lost Someone Special? Not in the mortality sense of the word...

List your 3 Favorite Colors : Burgundy, Cinnamon, and Beige. (actually, a rainbow, but I'm in a warm color mood today)

iN THe PaST 3 MoNTHS HaVe You:

Fallen In Love? Regrettably, yes.

Laughed Until You Cried? Yup! Last night Alisa and Nicole made me laugh 'til I cried, and I almost peed my pants. :)

Met Someone Who Changed Your Life? More than one person, and it happens every day. :)

Found out who your true friends were? Yes, especially recently. It's amazing how your true friends stick around even when you make a crazy life change. (like, finding faith again).

How many kids do you want to have? At least 3. Hopefully more, but we'll see what this body can handle! Adoption is a definite probability for me.

Do you have any pets? Not unless you count the furry thing under my bed.. I think it really is alive...

Do you want to change your name? Never. I might even have an issue taking someone else's last name.

What were you doing at midnight last night? Toe-dancing with Alisa and Nicole!

What is something you're excited for? Finals to be over, Christmas break, and figuring out where this crazy two-week emotional roller-coaster is headed.

What's getting on your nerves right now? Not knowing the crap is going on in my own love life. Facebook. Writers' block. That he can't just effing end it with one of us!!!

Elementary School? Todd Elementary and East Elementary

Junior High? Roosevelt Highnior Ju! (Junior High) and Olympus Junior

High School? Union High School and Juan Diego Catholic High School

FiRSTS

First surgery : Tonsils, Adenoids, and Tubes put in my ears (all in one go, I was such a happy 10-year-old...)

First piercing : Ears

First best friend : Taylor Marie Rich. Oh how I miss her...

First sport you played : Softball, and I freaking kicked trash as short-stop!

First pet : Lou, the world's most wonderul black labrador. May she rest in peace.

First vacation : I think it was when I was still a babe-in-arms to Disneyland.. not that I remember it, but there are pictures.

First Crush : Either RJ Longhair or Jeff Horrocks... not sure.

CuRReNTLY

Eating? Well, I just had a quick bowl of cereal...

Drinking? Water

Waiting? For him to make a decision so I can be free of this.

MoRe HaVe You eVeR

Kissed a stranger? Well... he wasn't a stranger after we kissed...Just kidding. I never have. I was tempted to at last night's sweater party... But I couldn't get him off my mind, so I just danced and had fun without a man.

Lost glasses or contacts? Like every morning... I really need a routine.

Ran away from home? Tried. Then I realized that to get to civilization, it would be a three mile walk. So I went back.

Broken someones heart? Yes, but it was for the best. We were both miserable.

Been arrested? Almost! Ask me about my New Years' Eve bust senior year of high school...

Turned someone down? Yes.

Cried when someone passed away? Yes.

Do You BeLieVe iN

Yourself? I believe that I have the ability to do anything if the cause is noble, and that I choose how I feel about a situation.

Miracles? I'm a walking miracle, so to speak.

Heaven? Eternity... Here I come!

Kissing on the first date? Since I have never kissed on the first date, and I've never felt like I should, then no.
God? With all my heart and being.

Aftermath

It's been forever (okay, like five days) since I last posted, but so much has happened! I had a great Thanksgiving. And I'm sooo grateful for my faith... it has kept me going lately. That sounds super pious, but really. I'd be a nervous and anxious wreck if I didn't have any sort of eternal perspective on everything.
Wednesday I drove down to Salt Lake City during the day to spend some time with him, David, and Chelsea (David's current love-interest). Here's what went down...
I met up with he and David around one o'clock. David showed up with a random dog on a leash... he had BORROWED the dog, and we were picking up ANOTHER borrowed dog. Why? Well, because David wanted to see Chelsea, so we were going to go wash dogs at Rub-A-Dub-Doggy or whatever the place is called. I hadn't met Chelsea, but I figured she must be pretty great to inspire David to BORROW dogs.
Emma and Hercules, the dogs we borrowed, were adorable. Emma is older and looks like one of those micro-fiber teddy-bears. Hercules is a little rocket of fur, and got to sit with him in the backseat while I held Emma in the front. We sang random songs all the way down (oh, by the way, we drove from Holladay to Provo to do this) and it was pretty fun - aside from the poor boy in the back keeping Hercules under control (David and I sat in the front).
We got to RADD (Rub-a-Dub-Doggy) and entered with our borrowed dogs. Well, I felt just adorable with this little spoiled pup on a leash (a burberry leash, with platinum insets on the collar...) and standing next to a handsome man. When we met Chelsea, wow. She's amazing. From a girls' perspective, beautiful doesn't do her justice. Her hair is incredible! Anyway, I can tell why David was blown away. She's soooo too good for him. (David, if you're reading this, you know it's true so chill.)
Next, we learned how to use a self-serve dogwash. (Really... I didn't know they had them. I always threw my dogs in a babypool and hoped for the best.) After getting completely drenched, spraying each other with water, flirting with and teasing each other, and using the dog-dryer on each others' faces, he and I finished washing Hercules. I'm sure that Chelsea and David had a great time as well with Emma... we really didn't pay attention.
On the way home (after dropping off the borrowed dogs), I invited David and him to come up to Roy with me for a little while before I had to go back up to Logan (I was on call that night). They said yes, and David followed us in his car. Around Bountiful, she called (the half-girlfriend). He told her that he was at his uncle's house... I was a secret. An embarrassment. A lie?! Well, okay. I might have overreacted at that point. I pulled off on the next exit, and made David follow and sent him back with him. Petty girl, petty petty girl!
I drove back to Logan that night upset but not quite sure what I was feeling. I hadn't wanted to upset him, but, according to David, he was upset.
Later that night, I decided to pray about it. So I settled in for the night (feeling lonely, because I was the ONLY person still on my floor) and grabbed my scriptures, said a prayer (shorter than it probably should have been), and started reading. I got through one chapter of St. Mark, and my phone buzzed. He was texting me. We wound up talking on the phone until almost 2:00 am, and things were feeling better. He had apologized and promised that he would talk to her soon... it can't come soon enough.
He came up to Roy the next morning, after I'd driven down from Logan, and met my mom, step-dad, sister, a niece and nephew, and my grandparents. They all adored him, of course. Then he left to go spend Thanksgiving at home (after all, it was the first time in three years he'd been home for it!). Later that night, he accompanied me to see my dad, then we hung out for a little while. It's always so stressful seeing my dad... I love him dearly, but I still feel so much anger and resentment. I really have to work on that.
Friday, I drove down and we got gelato, played video games, watched Holiday Inn (love love love Bing Crosby), then I took off to see my old high school chums.
I stopped in at Nico's house and saw all the people I was close to in high school. Strangely, I didn't feel that same bond anymore. Ever since the breakup with Ben, I've realized that my life is really taking a different path than everyone else. I've become so much more independent over the last six months, and I've worried less about how many friends I have, and more about the quality. Christy, David, Aubree, the people at the Music Mansion... those are the people who make me feel like I have all the friends I'll ever need. So, after this epiphany, I headed up to Tim's house, chilled with he, Josh, and Michael for a while, then drove home.
I've been trying so hard to keep my thoughts, emotions, feelings under control. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have found someone that might possibly complete me, without controlling me. It's such a new feeling, and I'm trying to back off and not be this clingy kitten that the natural girl in me wants to be. Just step back... breathe... and let things take their course.
On Saturday night, I met up with David near Temple Square and we hung out with my family for a while, then saw the lights, saw some of my residents, and eventually made it up to Holladay where I had a heart-to-heart with him. We didn't exactly define the relationship... but I figured out that I can wait for whatever is going to happen. Faith in the Lord includes faith in His time. (Neal A. Maxwell said that, I'm not that optimistic... haha)
I'm spending tonight at my mom's house with my sister, and we are making Christmas cards, watching movies, and eating sugar cookies. It's a beautiful night. My stomach has been doing flips the whole time over him and the unknown situation, but I'm moving past that now. When he decides he's ready to make a final decision, I'll probably still be around. I guess my moment of wanting to settle down and not be such a free spirit was fleeting. :)
For an update on getting my body ready for Miss Cache Valley... I'm down to 153 as of this morning, and I now fit in a size 9 pants. Yay for me!
Oh, and I'm going on another blind date tonight... wish me luck! There's no way it can beat a guy who speaks Italian and watching Trans-Siberian Orchestra...

Lip Plumper, Black Tinsel Trees, and Fight Nights

Okay, so first and foremost, I bought something I said I would never buy. It's a lip-plumping lipgloss. I mean, okay, I have never thought I needed it or something, but why not see if it works? So I brought it home (with my other purchases) and took a before and after picture of my lips when I used it (not the picture to the left). It didn't look any different, so I asked my roommate then two of my neighbors to try it. The photos are posted on my page on Facebook... they're pretty funny.

The next thing I bought today was a black tinsel Christmas tree for our apartment. It was between the black one and the hot pink one. After a roommate vote, we decided on the black tree with hot pink tinsel. Very girly! I'm really hoping that we can decorate the rest of the apartment for Christmas. We're also planning on having a wassail-party during Finals week. Yay!

Okay here I have a picture of the first "Fight Night" that I actually attended. My residents (bless them) have a bunch of videos of them wrestling each other. So a couple of nights ago Nicole and I went over to their apartment, offered them cookies if they would wrestle, and they did. It's hilarious... they don't move half the time because they had no idea what they were doing. I love these two boys though.

So I am a little bummed about this week. It's Thanksgiving, but I can't go home until Thanksgiving day because I'm on call the night before (because I'm an RA, I need to be around in case someone locks themselves out). So most people have already gone home today (Tuesday) and the rest will probably leave tomorrow. I need a hobby to keep myself busy tomorrow day and evening. Maybe I'll take up crocheting. Or fire-breathing.

I get to meet up with the "boy" and get gelato this weekend, though... I'm pretty excited about that. I'm not using his name yet just in case his half-girlfriend character somehow manages to find this blog. (Even though it's new and I've had very few views).

Gotta be somebody

A few days ago, a friend of mine texted me and told me that I needed to hear Nickelback's song "Gotta Be Somebody"... apparently it's my theme song because I always say I know that my perfect companion is out there, but I'm so afraid of ending up alone and being the last of my friends to find happiness.
The song is great. I love it.
As far as my actual love life goes ... Well, there's this guy. We met one week and three days ago on a blind date. We hit it off like crazy, and he came up to visit me this weekend. It was like a movie. He drove us up the canyon, parked with his headlights on, opened the doors and we danced to the radio. We played twister with some of my residents. We watched "La Vita Bella" (Life is Beautiful) and made home-made kettle corn with my best friend - which turned out to be really, uh, clumpy and gross. The only problem with the whole situation is... his open-relationship girlfriend freaked when she found out he came up here. So I canceled our breakfast date the next morning and told him to go home to take care of business. I could tell it sort of hurt him, but... I can't be the "other woman". I don't care if they can date other people. Especially when everyone thinks they're still together because she "waited" for him while he was on his mission. I think the suckiest (yes, it is now a word because I say so) part by far, though, is that I like her. She's... I'm not sure how to explain it. I think she's controlling and has coping issues, but really who isn't and doesn't? She's kind, though, and would make the perfect eternal companion. She cooks and crochets and ... she's beautiful. I can't help but be selfish, though, and wish for that phone call from him saying "It's over... When can I come up there?" Ahhhh... Life torments me.

In the beginning...

This is the beginning of my blogging experience. I plan to use this as a way to keep track of my pursuit for the Miss Cache Valley crown, but mostly as a way to document my pursuit in changing the world - starting with myself.
Well, okay, pretty much this is going on here so people can know what goes on in my everyday life and how I feel about situations that I probably won't talk to anyone about in person. I'm outgoing, but I don't tell very many people about how I really feel about the things that affect my life.

So, for the pageant portion, let's begin...
Let me give you my experience as a pageant girl.

Sometime in the 1990s, my sister (then Danika Dupre Winn, now Danika Monson) did Miss Duchesne County and Miss UBIC. She did amazing, and I wanted to be just like her.

In 2003, I became Jr. Miss UBIC 2003.

In 2005, I became Miss Utah Teen 2005, and went on to compete at Nationals in Nashville, Tennessee.

In 2006, I was given one of four Miss Salt Lake County Junior Miss titles

In 2007, I competed for the Utah's Junior Miss title.

In 2008, I competed for Miss Cache Valley, my first-ever adult (Miss) pageant.

Now here I am. I started doing pageants for the glamour... crown, popularity, that's what it's all about, right?
Now it's something more. I become a better person when I compete. I'm committed to world peace (cliche`, I know) and I become an active part of my own life. I've always been in love with performing and entertaining people, and I love serving people with my talents. I find enjoyment in it. There have been so many times that I have been the recipient of a kind act, and I truly want to give back. So here goes.

What will/would I do with the title of Miss Cache Valley?
I would totally work my heart out. I want to make a difference, even if it's in one person's life.
Last year, my platform was Making a Healthy Transition Into Womanhood.
This year, my view has changed. I still need a catchy title, but essentially I want to focus on helping young women and young men feel like they can say "NO!" in a relationship. From personal experience and speaking to peers, I know that too many people have said that the reason they became sexually active wasn't necessarily because they felt true love for the person, but because they felt pressured to participate. It made them a "better boy/girlfriend". Even in our conservative state, where so much pressure is put on the youth and young adults to save sexual intimacy until marriage, it's becoming more difficult because the world seems to make a norm out of recreational intimiacy. In many relationships, people are often too dependent upon each other to stand up for what they feel and want. I'm not saying that abstinence before marriage is the way for all people. That would be self-righteous and preachy of me to say. But being able to stand on your own two feet without your significant other there to hold you up is one of the most important things for young adults to learn. People throw themselves into a relationship, soon after another fails, because they don't know how to cope with being alone. My goal is to empower youth and young adults to be their own person, and in that way better their relationships with people.

I'm not in great shape right now, so this blog is not only my way of tracking my progress with my platform, but to track my progress physically, mentally, and spiritually. Let's start with physically...

Right now, I am the heaviest I've been in my life. I weigh 163 pounds. I am 5'2" tall. I wear a size large shirt (because of my swimmer's shoulders and chest size, which we'll talk about later), and a 9/10 pant.
I'm not concerned with weight... I can weigh as much as my body would like, but I want to be toned and look good in a swimsuit. So here are my goals...
Exercise three times a week. Stop eating crap. See a dietician to make sure that I'm eating right. (did I mention I'm vegetarian?). Fit into a size 7 pant, and a medium top (which may not happen, because my shoulders certainly aren't going to shrink). FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF NAKED! WoOo!

I don't know if people will even start reading this. I'll try to make it entertaining just in case someone haps upon it. But here we go. A little over three months until pageant date - February 21, 2009.

Oh, by the way, the reason I'm so intent on getting the title this year more than any other year also has to do with the queen getting two years full tuition to USU - my school. I'm on an academic scholarship right now, but it only lasts two years. If I can have the two years after that paid for, I'll be all set. Oh, and the winner gets full tuition to New Horizons beauty school. So after I graduate with my music education degree, I can go to hair design school and satisfy my two career desires. It's perfect! I'm such a nerd...