Incredible!

So, I've noticed that when I'm hurting, it progressively gets worse. Last night I thought I was going to explode. It took everything I had (and a couple hours in fetal position on the floor) to keep myself together... until I realized that I'm going to be just fine. I survived my parents' divorce. I survived a close friend dying. I survived the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (which was so worth it, but I had a major headache afterward).
I survived a relationship of two years breaking into pieces... though probably because it was my choice.
I survived being completely rejected by a best-friend-turned-love-interest... who turned out to be heavy into drugs.
I survived being swept off my feet, then being tossed aside for another girl... and they ended up breaking up anyway.
I survived letting myself fall in love... and it was worth it to open myself up.
I survived being afraid... because I knew I would be grateful.
I will survive this. In fact, it will make me stronger. Whatever Ben chooses to do... I fell in love. It's real. It's there. I can feel it. If he decides he doesn't want me, it will be hard. But I can't give up. I'm not the first person to have their heart broken. But I sure will miss him. So much.

This helps too. I go crazy and dance around. Not a permanent fix, but it makes me remember that I'm still me. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8ATwgpuXY

Ben asked for time. I really have no idea why that hurts so much. I wish I could understand why I can't control my emotions lately, hahaha.
I'll wait.
Ben is amazing. I know he loves me, even though he's angry right now.
I miss holding him, though. I miss being held. I miss his kisses. I can't remember a kiss before his. I don't want to imagine any other.
I don't want any other. This is the first relationship I really haven't had any other dating-interests. That's why I'll wait. I want eternity in this one. I can see it.