So yesterday was so much easier than I thought it'd be. I had to remind myself to breathe a few times, but I think maybe the good weather helped me out a little as well.
I had a civil conversation with Ben yesterday... twice, actually. I realized I can wait as long as it takes, but it's still going to hurt. He's in Evanston right now, he interviewed for the job he'll be taking this summer and he's going to talk to his parents... about me. Ugh. I really hope they still like me after he tells them about this week.
I did start freaking out last night, getting lonely, detaching from my own mind, the works. Dane and Ryan came and gave me a blessing at 2 a.m. - I don't know what I'd do without the angels in my life.
I had a wicked cool dream last night, though. I was at Ben's cabin (I don't even think he has one, hahaha) and I walked outside for a few minutes and suddenly heard shooting, saw people running toward the house, and ran as hard as I could to get back inside and warn everyone that we were under attack. As I was closing the door, the guy closest to me shattered a vase or something and a chunk went into my leg. I kept running, slammed the door, and bolted it. I yelled to everyone to hide behind something, and ran after Ben down the hallway. We grabbed rifles from a room, he tossed me a .22, and we quietly walked back through the house to see if anyone was inside. We heard a scream, and Ben ran along the wall to give me cover, and I bolted under a stairwell and aimed upwards toward a loft. The guy jumped down, and instead of turning on me, turned on Ben and fired. It missed, and it gave enough time for Ben to get his sights on him steadily, but I walked in front of the guy and as he tried to shoot at me, I shot him. Then I fell because the glass shard (which was originally in my leg, but hey it was a dream) was slicing its way through my back. Ben pushed me back under the stairs and we waited to see if things were clear. It was totally one of the coolest dreams I've ever had. I think I watch way too many action movies.
I was thinking about going on a road trip tonight, and driving up above Huntsville. I used to visit a dude ranch up on Ant Flat Road, called the Rockin' C Ranch. I think it'd be fun to drive by and see how things have changed.
My other choice is to go to the Blue Carpet Ball tonight. I really want to go, but since Ben bummed out on me (and he bummed out on me for True Aggie Night last night, too) I don't know if it'd be too weird to go alone. Well, I'll be with Louise and Kayla, possibly Nicole, but I don't know. I'll see how I'm feeling in a few hours. I sorta wanna go back to bed and have another cool dream. :-)
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